As many of you know, neither did I have a pleasant childhood nor am I having a pleasant adulthood. Even while keeping external factors aside, I was too matured for my childhood and feel too tired for my adulthood. I am pretty happy with one segment of my life – my life with my partner, but everything else is very complicated.
In my childhood, when life got very difficult to cope with, I developed a technique to deal with it. Initially, I used to close my eyes and pray that I get teleported to some place else, like Hobbiton or to the world of Da Vinci or somewhere else which fancied me then. Later when I realized I might never get teleported, I started using the power of my imagination. I made up everything around me like the place I wanted to be in, including people. I used to live in the imaginations to the extent that one day I realized that I forgot my mother’s face. I did all my daily chores and works in my imaginary world, and suddenly it did not feel very difficult.
This kept happening for years and I was able to quickly switch to and from these imaginary world until one day I did not want to anymore. I started yearning for the imaginary world and did not want to live in the present world. That’s when I realized I need to snap out of it and stop being a coward. Since then it has been a constant struggle. Now when I am dull or bored, I listen to a couple of songs and swim through all the imaginary world in my head, and I move on with my life when I pull out those earphones from my ear.
Unfortunately something started happening since yesterday. I have started zoning out to my imaginary worlds while I am talking to others or while I am working. I think it has to do with my reluctance to accept the reality and a fear of failure. But today I have decided to stop being so scared of my realities and tackle everything that comes in my way.
Some of you might think that I am truly fucked up (pardon my language!). But the truth is everything that has happened to me has only made me the strongest person I have ever come across. I know I have slipped more than I picked myself up but as long as I keep picking myself up, I do not care about the slips.
On a completely different note, I have three more plants in my balcony now. Yay!