Obsessive Cumpulsive Disorder has been haunting me from my childhood. It reached its heights when I was diagnosed with depression in 2017. I have been coping with it by taking tiny steps. It is a process – slow growth and continuous struggle. My writing this may help at least one and if it does, I think it will be a bonus.
“Worrying is suffering twice.” – Newt Scamander.
Presently, I am trying to work on one aspect – not letting any incident or thought affect me for long. It is okay to worry and feel sad but, if that advances into a loop and if I tend to constantly wallow in it, that is when it turns into a problem.
In my case, I tend to remember only the sad parts of my early life. Often I relive a past event and make it feel harder by going through the same pain again and again for days, weeks, months and years. I suffer not just twice but multiple times.
The number of things that affect me has significantly gone down but, it is still my vulnerability.
I have had a very tough time with my parents and my sibling for the past couple of years. I have also detoured from my career path for the examination. And you all know what this coronavirus has done to all of us. So, life is a little difficult at the moment which means there are more issues with which to torture myself.
I have to constantly remind myself that certain things are not under my control and I can only make a difference with what I have under my control. The examination is a big pressure on me and the thought about it has tortured me for months. After struggling for long, after scheduling and rescheduling my life and daily plan for the hundredth time, I realised I had to stop at some point. For the past one week, I give my best shot everyday – one day at a time. The days are getting better.
I might slip again but I am sure to pick myself up and try again a little harder next time.
P.S.:- Eventhough it appears seamless, sometimes when I slip, I just end up crying. LOL!