The last time I went out of the house was on 12th March 2020, a few days before the lock down began. That is close to four months now. You must be wondering why I did not step out of the house. The reason is the place I live. It is a small, tightly packed street with nearly 500 families. There is no parking facility so we have only one two wheeler. The government regulations are such that only one person can travel in a two wheeler. Now what will a poor girl who doesn’t know driving do! So yeah, my mobility is completely restricted.

As I am in a live-in relationship in a conservative environment, I haven’t been able to make any companions around my flat (or house? Hard to define) to talk to – a basic need of any social living being. The only place I used to go to was the terrace, every evening, to get some air and sunlight. Unfortunately, the family living on the adjacent terrace tested COVID positive a week ago. So the terrace, which was the one ray of freedom, got shut on my face. Now it is just the four walls and me.

I have always had many emotional struggles as a child but one of the most recent struggles was in 2016 when I was diagnosed to have chronic depression with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I have been fighting it for many years but now there is a new member to my list of friends – “Paranoia” (Dun Dun Duun!!). The fear of failing, falling sick.. and weirdly every time we get grocery I feel I have welcomed flesh eating scarab from ‘Mummy’ into my house – ‘valadhu kaal vaithu vaarungal!’.

One thought on “Coping with Paranoia and Anxiety during lock down (Part I: An Introduction)

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